If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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