I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
