I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
