i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
