If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
