Porn is love you can see.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
