How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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