Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we should paint friendship bongs
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