i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
