$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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