your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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