If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
