She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
