Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
