oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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