ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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