The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
