Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
