Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
