I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
