Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
