Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
