Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
