I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
