he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Randomize
