haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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