she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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