I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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