Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
