Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
