Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
