Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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