I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I die, sorry about rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
