I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
