A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
