No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
