My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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