I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
