every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
