You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
