Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
