Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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