Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
