don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
