Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
