i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
