so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mom said you looked used
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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