And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
