i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
