u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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